How Sure Are You That You’re Insecure?
Share
Field note
A small paradox about uncertainty, identity, and a resource that may already be available.
By Peter R. Valderhaug
People sometimes tell me they would like to speak up, make a decision, take an opportunity, or do something unfamiliar.
Then, when they explain what stops them, they say:
“I am just too uncertain.”
And they say that sentence with absolute certainty.
So I ask:
“Are you completely sure that you are uncertain?”
“Yes. I am completely sure.”
“Tell me again. What are you completely sure about?”
“I am completely sure that I am uncertain.”
I find that a little funny.
Because when you are completely certain that you are uncertain, the capacity for certainty is already present.
You are already using certainty. It is simply attached to a conclusion about yourself.
People usually laugh when I make them aware of this, but the distinction is more important than many realize.
It reveals a kind of confusion between language and mental state, and it affects where we begin searching for resources within ourselves.
A person who believes they lack confidence may search for something they imagine is missing. They may wait for an external sign, the right emotional state, more preparation, another qualification, or someone else’s approval.
Imagine for a moment that you are already creating certainty to express your uncertainty.
When you are creating certainty, how are you doing it?
Perhaps you create a clear internal picture of everything that could go wrong.
Perhaps you speak to yourself, or say the sentence “I am uncertain,” in a firm and convincing voice.
Perhaps you unconsciously collect evidence from earlier experiences and arrange it into a complete explanation of why this opportunity is unsafe.
That requires consistency, attention, imagination, memory, and conviction.
Those are resources.
The current sequence in which those resources are organized produces uncertainty. The components inside it may still become useful somewhere else.
I experience uncertainty too. The goal is rarely to become certain about everything.
Uncertainty can invite preparation, curiosity, and care. It can even be the exact edge you need to help you perform at your best.
The distinction I want you to become curious about is whether uncertainty is information you can work with, or an identity you have started obeying.
The next time you hear yourself say, “I am too uncertain,” pause for a moment.
Ask:
How am I making myself so certain of that?
Then become curious about where the same ability could serve you better.
I believe you already have the resources you need available to you.
They may simply be assigned to the wrong sentence.
Where is certainty already working inside you?
Private Coaching offers a focused place to examine the stories and mental sequences shaping your choices, and redirect the resources already present toward clearer action.
Explore private coaching